fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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