I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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