I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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