Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
