you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
