I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
