i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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