I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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