She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
