so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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