Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
