Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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