honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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