I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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