I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize