I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
