If you die in college, do you die in real life?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
