You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
