Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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