she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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