I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were trust falling into bushes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
