I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
