good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
