I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize