I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..