the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dating After Heartbreak
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him