i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD