umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
