He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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