She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
