I'm so fucking centered right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
