i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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