Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
