It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
