I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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