if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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