i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
