Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do herpes really smell.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
