He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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