If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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