Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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