i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
