there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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