I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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