I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
