Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
