Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
