Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
