I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
