When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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