Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
