I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
