He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
