this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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