She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
