my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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