So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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