"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
