You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
