dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize