I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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