I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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