I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
