just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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