I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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