There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
