i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
