so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
