it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
