my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?