i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.